Cue the Facts of Life Theme Song

I'm a little bit grumpy today.

I'm not going to dwell. No wallowing here. Nope!

Well, not much, anyway.

Do you ever just have one of those days when you feel defeated before you even get out of bed? You know, like when all of life's little shitty details pile on top of you until you feel like you've been trapped beneath something really heavy. Say, a flatulent hippopotamus?

Maybe your kids come home filthy and crotchety from school, then refuse to go to bed until after 9.

Maybe tomorrow marks one year since your favorite person passed away.

Maybe you can't go one day at work without something breaking and it's your job to get it fixed, but not before you hear about the problem from every single person in the office.

Maybe the 7 day cleanse pills you are taking have caused some pretty unpredictable and unpleasant sprints to the bathroom.

Not that this is what I've got going on or anything. Oh nooooo, not me! I'm just cranky 'cuz it's Thursday and not Friday. ;) Thank GOODNESS it's a 3-day weekend!

Don't get me wrong - I'm very thankful today, too. I took my oldest for his annual physical yesterday and he is healthy both mentally and physically. As a mother I could never ask for more than that. My youngest boy is growing like a weed and making me smile every day, and the love I get from both of those little dudes eases the hurt from everything else life throws at me.

My husband is sweet, hard-working, and always lets me be me. I am glad that I was smart enough to put a ring on it back in my wild(er) days.

I'm thankful for my friends, who keep me young.

I'm thankful for all of you peeps, who read my shtuff and leave me hilarious and sweet comments.

And I'm thankful for humor in all shapes & forms & the people who recognize it when they see it.

There. See? Counting my blessings really does help. I feel better already!

Something else that makes me happy is this song by Mumford & Sons. It's NSFW because they drop the F bomb in the chorus.



Your turn! What's bumming you out and what are you thankful for? C'mon, spill - it really helps! Sharing is caring.

Boobs: A love story

You all know I love boobs, my own in particular. I don't know why I'm such a tit-fanatic, I really don't. Maybe it's because I wasn't breastfed? Maybe because I was already a D cup in 9th grade? Maybe because I'm just a natural-born perv, as evidenced every time I open my mouth or start typing on the ol' blogaroonie? Who knows. Fact is, I don't even care, I just like 'em and think it's important to feel 'em at any opportunity.

Stacie reminded us today that next week is National FEEL YOUR BOOBIES week, so I am going to wax poetic about ta-tas and urge my lady friends to feel themselves up today in the name of science and good health. Guys, you can help, just get permission first, ok?

After reading Stacie's blog I ran right over to Boobicon to make my own graphic for the OOBH. Would you believe that I had a terrible time finding a picture of myself with sufficient cleavage?! I know! I was shocked. I thought I had zillions of photos of my stunning rack! I think I'll take a look at home and see if I can find a better one later, but this'll do for now.

Last week Cary posted the "feel your boobs" PSA with that Canadian bimbo VJ, and some people didn't like it. Pppfffftt. If it raises awareness of a worthy cause, who cares? The girl's got nice bazoombas and it certainly gets your attention, so STFU.



Incidentally, every time I see this spot all I notice is that one of her boobs is slightly bigger than the other. I can totally relate; one of mine is just a touch more voluptuous than the other, too. It's kind of irritating because that's the one that always pops out of the top of my bra a little bit when I bend over or am, ya know, moving. Yet another reason to be sedentary, right? Just keepin' it real.

Anywho, boobs are wonderful things, and I love mine. In fact, I'm thankful for them, so technically this post is Thankful Thursday material. In all seriousness, cancer is nothing to joke around about. This might be the only case in which being a boob-loving perv could save your life, so get groping, ok?

Feeling your boobies is awesome. I'm doing it right now!

Thankful Thursday

I haven't done a TT for a while, so here goes.


I'm thankful for sleep, and for my husband, who allows me to get some sleep every now and then. Jim is a teacher, so he's off for the summer. He's also an early-riser, so he has been getting up with my youngest son at 5 AM for the past week. I cannot tell you how much better I feel when I can sleep until 7 AM. It's like night and day! The Bev is just not meant to get up at dawn. I prefer a solid 11 PM - 7 AM schedule. Sadly, during the school year, that schedule isn't possible, but do I go to bed earlier to make up for the early wake-up time? Hellz no, brutha. I just wear myself down to a nub.

Heh heh, nub is a funny word. AnyWHO!

I'm thankful for my easy job and for time off from said easy job. Wooohooo!



Work has been exceptionally dull this summer, and that's good because I've been sleep-walking through it. Phoning. It. In. The good news is that no one notices because I'm just that good. Heh. Even so, I had time off last week, and it was great, and next week I'm only working two days out of 5, plus I even have my birthday off & my Big Fun Extravaganza (BFE) w/ Mala next weekend, so I'm PUMPED. It would really be nice if we had some decent weather -- just throwin' that out there into the universe -- but I will take rain if that's what's in store, just as long as I don't have to go to work and deal with my idiot coworkers and asinine clients.


All of YOU. Yeah, you. My lovely readers. My hilarious commenters. A big welcome to the new folks! I like you already. :) Pull up a beanbag chair and take off your shoes. I will make us all some nachos and we can watch a silly movie and laugh our butts off! I'm glad you're here.

Speaking of silly movies, did you ever see Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story? I watched it a while back and was prepared to hate it, but I actually found myself laughing quite a bit. This one part in particular made my sides hurt. Jim and I had to skip back and watch it at least twice because we were laughing so hard, but maybe that's just because we're big Beatles fans? Oh, and we'd been drinking. I dunno. See what you think:

Walk Hard – The Beatles EXTENDED - watch more funny videos

It's a riot, right? Paul Rudd as John Lennon = BRILLZ. Love it.

So, I'm thankful for that, too.

Hope you're all enjoying this lovely Thursday. I have only 6 short hours to kill at work today before I'm free, so... yay? Oh well, I'm not complaining. Today feels like a "long lunch" kind of day. In other words, it's a "trip to Target" kind of lunch break. HEE. And yes, I'm thankful for that, too.

Alliteration be damned!

I know it's not Thankful Thursday, but I'm feeling thankful today, so suck it. :) I say that in the nicest way possible, like when I jokingly tell someone to "shut the fuck up." I hate it when they think I'm being serious. Especially my boss. Kidding, kidding! I never say it loudly enough for him to hear me.

Anyway!

I would like to send out a big THANK YOU to the nice man who flashed his lights at me this morning so I would know to slow down because there was a cop behind him. YAY, for random acts of kindness! You see, my street is hilly and windy and the speed limit is 30 MPH, which is pretty near impossible to maintain without riding the brake the whole time. 40 MPH is pretty comfortable, and that's just coasting! So, I've been pulled over twice since we've lived at this house (almost 8 years, so it's not like I'm a total speed demon), and one time I got the mutha of all speeding tickets for going about 52 mph. Ooops. Whatever, I had a pizza in the car and I was hungry, Occifer, so screw off. Ok, I didn't say that to him, but I definitely thought it.

I even have a stupid radar detector now, thanks to my FIL who loooooves gadgets. It has saved my ass a few times, I'll admit it. The last time I got pulled over it was about a week after I got that ticket, and the cop let me off... I'm pretty sure because I was wearing a low-cut top and I cried a little. STFU, I'm not too proud. Tickets suck!

Getting pulled over this morning would have totally ruined my day, so I just want to throw the THANKS out into the universe and I hope that the guy in the red jeep has a fantastic day and maybe even gets laid or something. GO, DUDE! You've earned it.

What else? I'm also thankful because I'm back into my "skinny jeans," but don't get too impressed because those still aren't tiny; it's not like I'm gushing over being a size 6. HA, no. But, when I got on the scale for my daily slap in the face (yes, I do it daily, don't judge... if I don't I find myself struggling to button my pants by the end of the week, for reals), I was hoping to see 1_9, but instead I saw 1_4. That middle digit is private, so don't be nosey. :) In fact, I was so convinced that my scale had broken that I made my kid get on it, too, and it was actually accurate. Huh. So, today is a good day, and all of my pants are too big, and I'll fucking TAKE IT. Thank you.

In closing, I will leave you with one of my favorite sketches from the now-defunct Canadian comedy troupe, The Kids In The Hall. It's amazing, they've been gone for over a decade, but I still find myself quoting them all. the. time. From this clip, I have been known to throw out my favorite line, "You just blew my mind!" and Jim will respond with, "Our minds have been blown!"


"He's really light, too!"

It's Thankful Thursday! (updated)

Steph suggested that it would be a good idea to make Thursdays all grateful and stuff, so I'm following her lead and doing exactly that. This will likely be one of those "random thoughts" kinds of posts, too, because my little brain is all over the place this morning! So, here goes:

I'm thankful for:

Red wine. Because I just fucking love it, that's why. It also gets me tipsy, which is a huge bonus.





My easy job.
Though, I nap under the desk, not on it. ;-)
Oh, shut up! It was just that one time!





My friends. Because they're all NUTS in a very good way, and all seem to have the same sick & twisted sense of humor that I have. Also? They're pervs, and I like pervs.



That's it for now, because I need to go easy if I'm gonna be thankful every Thursday! I might post again later if I'm so inspired. I might not. Who knows what the day will bring? God knows I don't, but I do know I'll be drinking a glass (or 3) of wine later, talking to a friend (or 3), and slacking off at work for at least an hour (or 3). Because today is a day that ends in Y, that's why.

OH, and I'm editing this bad boy because I just found something else to be thankful for. THIS clip & the accompanying description over on Dlisted just made me giggle like a schoolgirl seeing her first wang. Click it... CLICK IT. CLICK.

Why are you still here and not CLICKING IT?