Gigolos, Taxes, Wax, & Donkeys

Yes, folks, this post is about all of those things.  Buckle up.

What's shaking in Blogland, my lovelies?  I'm having a nice, quiet day at home today.  I should be working on a few on-going projects, instead I'm cruising the internet and finding little gems like this one:
 

Clearly, it's shaping up to be a productive 4/20!

Speaking of 4/20, this date is significant to me not because it's all about the good chit, but mostly because today is the day that I became a mother for the first time eight years ago.  That's right, I had a baby on 4/20, which is further proof that the Universe has a fantastic sense of humor.

Anyway, here we go.

Just a Gigolo

Last week I was falling asleep on the couch to United States of Tara when the sounds of televised sexy times awakened me....

WHOA!  I'm awake!

It's called Gigolos,  it's about five straight metrosexual male escorts in Las Vegas, and it's juicy.  Not only do they show the guys hanging out, working out, drinking, and generally one-upping each other, but they also show them on their "dates," and holy cow!  The sex is brief but graphic, and... well, yeah -- I am wiggling my eyebrows suggestively at you right now.

What surprised me most is the types of women who seek out the company of these male prostitutes.  (Oh, sorry - escorts.)

Most of them are extremely normal and not awful looking, which shocked me because since when do average women have such a hard time getting laid that they need to pay for it?  Especially in Vegas?  Please.  But I guess these ladies (and couples) are looking for something specific, with no strings attached...?  IDK.  The guys themselves are interesting characters too -- each have very different styles and personalities.  There's the bleach-blond, tanorexic douchebag, the tattooed, rather dense bad boy, the schmaltzy sensitive dad who works to support his kid, and the educated, seemingly-"normal" guy.  Something for everyone!

So, there you have it -- THIS exists.

Tax Season

Hallelujah, it's over!  My office was maddening all month.

Wax on, wax off

My most recent Oddee article contains photos with a few familiar faces!  I was actually able to use some of my very own pics of us molesting wax figures, so take a peek if you get a chance.

Fun stuff.  :)


I *heart* Toby Turner



"Must...have...peanut!"

Okay, that'll do for now.  Have a groovy day!

Shameless Wednesday

I finally had a chance to watch Showtime's new series, Shameless, and I liked it quite a bit. It's an ensemble drama starring William H. Macy as a drunken lout with six kids, the oldest of which (Emmy Rossum) is raising the others. I didn't expect much from this show because the reviews were hardly what you'd call glowing, but I was pleasantly surprised. It's equal parts funny, sad, quirky, grungy, and downright juicy!

Plus, this guy is in it:

How big is it, Justin?

Justin Chatwin plays oldest daughter Fiona's love interest, and he is... let's just say, cute. Okay, if I'm being honest... he's freaking adorable in a too-cool-for-school, skinny-jean-wearing-hipster kind of way.  Mama like.


Speaking of shameless, did you guys hear that Octomom is doing fetish porn now?

In case you couldn't tell, this pic is courtesy of TMZ.

Yup, that's her whipping a grown man who looks like Mario who's wearing a baby bonnet.  Wow.  It's not surprising that she'd go into porn -- I think we all expected that as an inevitable truth -- but this is even more out-there than I could have hoped!  Sometimes life is just too perfect, don't you think?  So... poetic.

And finally, this isn't shameless, it's just a shame:

Hefty bag space cowboy?

WTF, Adam Lambert?  I usually (not so secretly) love his whole guyliner/leather-studded kiss in the sand look, but this?  Sheer fuckery.  I'm not amused, Adam. 

Okay, maybe I am, a little.

Happy Hump Day!

Flashback: PSA's in the 1980's were AWESOME!

What she knows scares me.

As promised to my fabulous Facebook FOOBHs, today is the day we get to hop into our way-back time machine and watch some awesome Public Service Announcements from that most excellent of decades, the 1980's! These clips all brought me back - way back - and I'm excited to see if you guys remember them too.

First up, this is a classic anti-drug PSA with a killer catch phrase. I used to say this to my dad all the time and it was guaranteed to make him laugh.

"You, alright? I learned it by watching you!"



That one was a Saturday morning staple, and I still sing this little jingle every time I'm cutting the cheese.

Wait, that came out wrong. Never mind, just watch the clip.

Time for Timer!



Another classic, and possibly the greatest punchline in television history:


This one didn't make me not want drugs; it just made me want delicious fried eggs.

Who remembers this next one? Remember the good old days when we were just learning that 9 to 5-style sexual harassment was actually... wrong?



I don't remember this next one, probably because we didn't have NBC in our house until I was twelve. Yes, before we moved the only channels we got were CBS and, on a good day, a fuzzy PBS. That's why I quote movies like it's an illness - I watched a shitload of movies during those formative years!


Anywho, I had to include this one because it's Jason Bateman. *swoooon*

So cute.


TELL me you aren't singing along with this next one! Talk about a flashback.



McGruff the Crime Dog, anyone?



I can't do an 80's PSA post without including these guys:


Or this one:



One more Time for Timer clip, because they rock my socks off. This one had me obsessed with making ice cube popsicles for years.



There you have it! What I'd like to know is why they don't make/air any good PSA's anymore. I have the "scare 'em straight" PSA's that they air these days. Why not bring back singing, dancing cowboys instead of showing me horrible car crashes (don't text & drive!) or boneless girls (don't smoke pot!)? Also, as a parent, I'd love to see more ads warning kids about stranger danger and household poisons. I'm serious!

Did I miss any of your favorites? Speak up!

Gaga... and VILF's.

It's Wednesday, but I'm feeling wordy, not wordless. Also, I had all these great ideas about Photoshopping myself into pictures like this one
<---- but I was too tired to do it last night and now I'm stuck at work with no good editing software at my disposal. Oh well... that particular whimsy will just have to wait! Speaking of whimsy, yesterday my girl Lady G (I can call her that because we're so close, don'tcha know) released her new 9 minute-long video for Alejandro.



It's okay, not my fave. I love it because it's Gaga, but honestly I think she was trying too hard here, and the scores of fem-dudes with Three Stooges bowl cuts and fishnets did nothing for me.

Besides, blasphemy is so two decades ago!

Also? I don't care for the song. Sure, it's catchy, but it is the only song from the new album that I do not care for and routinely skip when I'm getting my Ga-groove on (which is often). It's basically Ace of Base's "Don't Walk Away" and Madonna's "La Isla Bonita." Meh.

Don't get me wrong, parts of the vid are pretty hot:



But overall, I found it to be kind of dull. Oh well. We'll give her a mulligan on this one, won't we?

Speaking of disappointments, I just finished the latest book in the Southern Vampire Mystery (aka True Blood) series, and it was full of fail. Charlaine Harris's yearly Sookie offering, Dead In The Family, was yet another book that was sort of fun to read, but nothing really happened to progress the plot line... again. Last year's book was the same way, and I'm starting to wonder how much longer she'll keep cranking out the same old shite and how much longer we readers will keep buying it.

Oh, and there were NO good sex scenes in this one. WTF? Does she think we're reading these things for the intrigue? Hell no! I want some boning, Ms. Harris, and I want it now.

The good news is that the HBO series based on the books ROCKS THE HIZZOUSE, delivers the RAUNCHY GOODNESS, and season 3 premiers THIS SUNDAY NIGHT.

WOO-to the mothafucking-HOO!



I seriously cannot wait. I love this show, and I love Eric the Vampire more than I care to admit. Not the actor who plays him, Alexander Skarsgaard, though I wouldn't exactly kick him out of bed either - but the character of Eric the Goddamn Vampire. Holy Viking with a sword, he can bite me any day. I wanna do bad things, indeed.

That's about it for now, my little breathers. I may not post tomorrow because I will be schlepping through the woods in the rain while chaperoning my son's 1st grade field trip. Since I fucked up my neck last weekend while towel-drying my hair *COUGH* vigorously working out, it's going to be an especially fun day.

Happy Hump Day!

OOBH Stew: Drug-Addled Edition

There's so much stew this week, everyone! I had to put some into Tupperware to save for next week. Hope you're hungry!

Ingredient 1: More proof that dentists have the best drugs.

Here's a doped-up teenager talking about unicorns and shizz after having some oral surgery, then she busts out some mad rhymes. You go, girl!


Courtesy of Holy Taco

How much do I love (and relate to) her mom for recording her darling daughter's drug-induced blathering and then uploading it to YouTube?

A whole helluva lot, that's how much.

Ingredient 2: Why I *heart* Tina Fey.

That clip reminds me of my current favorite show, 30 Rock; in particular my new favorite episode: Anna Howard Shaw Day.

"One word: oral. Two words: Oral Surgery."

Here's my homegirl Liz Lemon doing her best to avoid all of the Valentine's Day hullabaloo. (Spoiler alert: she fails.) After having to admit that she has no one to drive her home after receiving anesthesia, she sees all of her ex-boyfriends (and a certain NBC-owned 80's rock star) in the waiting room:



Ingredient 3: A pinch of Tween Lust.

Apparently this Justin Bieber kid is some sort of pop star?




This is wrong, but does he look a wee bit special on the cover of People? Maybe it's the carefully-crafted bowl cut that he's rocking? He reminds me of someone.... Oh yeah, that's it.

<--------

According to my beloved Dlisted, even Justin tweeted about how bad he looks on the cover and says, "if u cant laugh at yourself u aint havin fun." Good lad! Now get back on the short bus because it's almost snack time. We're having ants on a log!

Ingredient 4: Whitney Huston is most likely back on the smack.



Color me shocked! No really, this is my surprised face.

Ingredient 5: Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey split up.

So a constantly self-promoting ex-playmate ("I'm not a doctor but I still think I know more than they do") and an actor ("I try to be funny to hide my crippling & debilitating emotional depression") couldn't make it work? Jeez, what hope is there for the rest of us?



Well, at least they didn't do something trite like announce their break-up on Twitter or anything. Oh, wait... never mind.


Ingredient 6: True Blood returns to HBO on June 13th, and I already can't f'ing wait!



Um, HELLO! Pardon me while I wipe the drool from my chin!

Yeah, I cannot. wait. To tide you over until June, don't forget that the 11th novel in the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire Mystery series comes out this May 10th! Yes, I buy the books the second they hit the stands, so?

So there it is. Hope you all enjoyed this latest concoction of mine. Good stew comes from good ingredients, so thank you, Pop Culture Universe, for smiling upon us this week!

Have a happy weekend, all!
xoxo

TV Pimpery

Greetings, Earthlings. How goes it?

Okay here, just plugging along on another dreary Monday. The weekend was good but definitely nothing to write home about; my in-laws came to visit and by the time they left one of them was violently ill with a stomach bug and another was limping due to a sprained knee from skiing with the J. Two out of three left us in wheelchairs, essentially, which is no testament to my mad hostessing skillz, I assure you! I swear I washed my hands before serving the shrimp cocktail, I swear!

The super fun part of this equation is that in about three days I fully expect us all to be retching as well, so thanks for that lovely parting gift! E-Coli, the gift that keeps on giving. You really shouldn't have.

Other than that I have nothing exciting to report except for the return of a couple of my favorite shows this evening, so I'ma go ahead and talk them up so those of you with Showtime can join in the merriment.

U.S. of Tara and Nurse Jackie return tonight!

Both of these terrific shows are coming back for their second seasons tonight, and I adore them both. They are each extremely funny but also have a deeper vein of reality running through them as well. Nurse Jackie stars Edie Falco as a pill-popping RN who is juggling a high-pressure job, a family, and a pharmacist/boyfriend while trying to keep herself as numb as possible in the process. The show is smart and fast-paced, and I guarantee that you will fall in love with the character of Zoey pretty much immediately.


U.S. of Tara is written by Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody, and as such it has her usual flair for pop culture references and 100 mph dialogue. Toni Colette is brilliant as Tara, a wife and mother who battles multiple personality disorder.

Tara's family is as tolerant as you can expect them to be when one of the alters is a tough-talking MAN, another is a 1960's housewife type, and another is a sassy teenage girl. According to Entertainment Weekly, this season we'll be introduced to another alter, one who thinks she's a shrink.

Awesome, Blossom.

Again, the show takes a difficult subject-matter and somehow finds the humor in it all, the characters are likable and complex, and I guarantee that it will make you laugh AND think.

So, give 'em a look-see, won't you? If you don't get Showtime you can always catch up on the first seasons of both on DVD! And no, I didn't get paid to endorse these programs... but I wouldn't be opposed to that. Hint, hint....

One last thing. Twilight's New Moon came out this weekend and my ILs were interested in seeing it, so we watched it on Saturday night. As some of you may remember I saw this film in the theater with some girlfriends, but I, um... didn't quite remember much of it. *cough* Not sure why... perhaps it was the multiple cocktails or something, but at any rate I dozed through most of it.

After watching it again on Saturday night it's clear why I slept through it: BOOOOOOOORING. Damn, that movie sucked! They could have cut out about 30 minutes of moping and it would have been much better, IMO. Of course, New Moon was my least-favorite book in the series, so maybe that's why it did nothing for me. But still... major suckage.

See ya!