Totally Do-Able Older Actors

I'll admit it, there are some men in Hollywood who are aging so well that I'd get my DILF on.  Heck, in some cases, I'd get my GILF on, even!  Since it's Friday and I'm in an outstanding mood (no, that's not sarcasm.  Really!) I thought it might be fun to check out the ripest fruit on the vine. I truly believe that age is just a number, and some of the coolest people I know are over 50!  Most (but not all) of these actors are old enough to be my father, but we're not related... so that makes them fair game.

Daddy issues?  Moi?  I don't know what you're talking about.  Shut up.

Here goes--actors I'd totally shag even though some of them are--how do I say this delicately?  A bit long in the tooth.

Jeff Bridges, age 61

The dude abides

Harrison Ford, age 68

I can even forgive him for both the earring and Calista Flockhart.  The man was Han Solo AND Indiana Jones!

 Clint Eastwood, age 80 (!)

Okay, so I probably wouldn't do him because of the old-man smell, but the man's a legend... and I have a thing for cowboys.

 George Clooney, age 50

George is still young and still smokin' hot after all these years!  Plus funny, smart, and a humanitarian.  *swoon*

Denzel Washington, age 56

This man does not age!

Jerry Stiller, age 83

HAHA--GOT YA!

Since I always aim to be fair, I'll throw in a few hot older dames too.

Susan Sarandon, age 64

Mother-lover.

 Meryl Streep, age 61

Love her.

Michelle Pfeiffer, age 52

She's still got it.

Sigourney Weaver, age 61

This is how a natural beauty ages.

 Helen Mirren, age 65

She looks better in a bikini than I do. Bitch.

So there's my list.  Who's on yours?

Friday Fun: Nicest Celebrities

WOOHOO, IT'S FRIDAY, BITCHES!

The House of Seven Gables

I'm so glad that this week is coming to an end!  It's a beautiful Autumn day here in my neck of the woods and I've got big plans this weekend.  Tomorrow the fam and I are heading down to historic Salem, Massachusetts with my friend Laurie & her family.  I'm really excited to go there, not just because it's such an old town and has such a rich history, but also because they do a big witch/Halloween-y celebration for the entire month of October that I can't wait to experience.  We're all getting into it; I bought myself a fabulous purple feathered witch hat and the boys will be rocking skeleton body suits.  Jim is going for a suave vampire motif... that is, if I can get him to wear his fangs, which remains to be seen.

We're staying at a hotel that has an indoor water park, so on Sunday we will let the kiddos splash, hoot and holler to their little hearts' content.  Should be fun!

Ahoy, let's matey!

Speaking of fun, let's keep things light and frothy here on the OOBH today, shall we?  Last night one of my Facebook friends shared a link to a story about Johnny Depp showing up at a young fan's elementary school in full Jack Sparrow mode.  She had written him a fan letter so he surprised her because he's just an awesome, awesome guy.  It got me thinking about other celebrities who are known for being nice.  You don't hear as much about them as you hear about the a-holes, so let's bring on the good vibes and celebrate the GOOD people of Hollyweird today.

Here's my list of celebs who I've heard are genuinely nice folks who just happen to be rich and famous.  Please feel free to burst my bubble (I know you will!) if you've heard otherwise, and don't forget to add anyone I may have missed in the Comment section!  I'd especially love to hear about any personal experiences you may have had with a nice celebrity.

Hugh Jackman

Father, husband, actor of stage and screen, and reportedly a super-nice guy with a self-deprecating sense of humor.  Also, incredibly hot and has a to-die-for Aussie accent.  *swooooon*

Renee Zellweger

By all accounts, this sweet Texan hasn't forgotten her modest roots.  I heard a great story about a woman who encountered Renee in the shoe section of a department store.  The woman was trying on a pair of expensive high heels and Renee admired the shoes and encouraged her to get them.  The woman said she wished she could but couldn't afford them.  They went their separate ways and the next thing she knew Renee appeared with a shopping bag containing the shoes, gave it to her and told her to enjoy them and have a great day.  Pretty wonderful!

George Clooney

He's an actor, director, philanthropist, and on-set comedian.  Everyone who works with him seem to love him, and he's as well-known for his charitable donations as he is for his handsome mug.  He's an unapologetic bachelor who doesn't seem to lie about what he wants from women: good looks, good times, and zero pressure to get married.  Sounds reasonable to me!



 No, this isn't just another excuse for me to use this picture again.  *shifty-eyed*

Jason Bateman

Jason is known for being a nice guy, which is impressive considering that he's been in the business for his entire life and we all know that child stars don't often turn out to be well-rounded, normal folks.  He recently got some flack for cutting a line at the Apple store, but let's look at the facts.  Instead of sending an assistant to the Apple store at the crack of dawn to get his new iPhone he went himself.  He got at the end of the line and was waiting for almost two hours with all the other schlubs when an Apple employee noticed him and brought him in to get his iPhone first.  He never asked for special celebrity treatment, didn't expect it - why does accepting it make him an asshole?

Whatevs.  I'd let Jason cut MY line anytime!

Ellen Degeneres

 Unlike another ex-daytime talk show hostess who was once dubbed "The Queen of Nice" but who turned out to be an absolute beast IRL (*cough*RosieO'Donnell*cough*), I truly believe that Ellen is as nice as she seems to be on TV.  I love that she's always giving things away to needy families and standing up for people who are bullied but who deserve respect and civil rights as much as anybody else.  I love that she doesn't apologize for being who she is, because who she is is pretty great.  Above all, I LOVE her sense of humor!

Will Smith

Handsome, great sense of humor, talented, and a devoted husband and father - what's not to like about Will Smith?  Have you EVER heard a bad word uttered about him?  Yeah, me either!

Reese Witherspoon

On set, she's reportedly friendly to every single person, not just the VIPs.  She takes her kids to school herself and jogs without make-up and still looks fantastic.  When someone is this pretty and nice it makes it really hard to hate her, damn it!  Plus - she was Elle Woods AND June Carter Cash - so she's A-OK in my book.

Steve Carell

He rarely curses.  In fact, he's known for liberally sprinkling the word, "Gosh!" into his sentences.  His niceness seems to seep out of his characters, too, and he apparently never takes a project that doesn't feel right or that his kids wouldn't be proud of.





Well, there's my list!  Who's on yours?

PS)  Have a great weekend, everyone!  La Bev thinks you're swell.  *mwah*

Fictional Characters I'd Totally Do

It's Thursday and I'm feeling list-y! The other night I was watching TV and had one of those, "Aw, yeah, I'd hit that" moments. Don't pretend like you never have those. It got me thinking about other characters that flip my switch, light my fire, and make blood rush to areas of my body that shall remain nameless.

Here's my list. I hope you'll share yours in the comment section!

Jack Donaghey from 30 Rock.

"Rich 50 is middle-class 38."

No, not Alec Baldwin, his character Jack Donaghy. It's not even his suave good looks that I love, it's the smart, unapologetically-elitist ex-Bostonian CEO of NBC and GE Microwave Programming that I adore. He can be very sweet and sympathetic when he's not cracking me up, which is most of the time.

Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye.

Oh, Holden. I've had a crush on this character since I was a teenager myself. I suppose I have an innate desire to "fix" this troubled young man, as if somehow I could be the buoy that tethers him to reality and makes him see that life can be beautiful if you let it.

I'm actually glad that author J.D. Salinger never sold the movie rights because I prefer to imagine Holden my own way without Hollywood ruining it with their version of him.

Most of the men from True Blood

With a few exceptions, I think most of the guys in this book series/cast are hotter than the surface of the sun. Sorry, Bill & Lafayette - you just do nothing for me.  Alcide and Eric are my favorites. HUMMANA-HUMMANA!

Eric Northman.  YUM.

I would howl at Alcide's moon anytime.

"The Dude" from The Big Lebowski

Coitus?

Yeah, I know he's not much to look at; in fact, he looks like he smells like dirty laundry (the whites), but any fan of this movie will tell you that El Duderino is all heart. He's drunk/high all the time, has no job, is behind in his rent, and is gullible beyond belief, yet we still love him. He's self-assured, sweet, and kind, and all The Dude wanted was his rug back. He's a good man, and thor-ah.

Michael Bluth from Arrested Development

"Hey, maybe you could pop a tent outside with your cousin Maeby."

You know I have a little thing for Jason Bateman, but I love Michael for Michael, not just because he's played by my long-time actor crush.  He's the responsible adult among a family of lunatics.  He's the straight man who slips little quips in under the radar; so subtly that you can miss them if you're not paying attention.  Plus, he's just adorable!  Look at his cute, tussled hair!  *sigh*  He's dreamy.

Bret & Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords.

It's business time.

No, they're not terribly hot guys, but they're hilarious and in case it isn't obvious already -- I find hilarious to be quite sexy.

Gloria from Modern Family

Eyes up here, people.

Yes, I'm straight, but the one woman I think I'd change teams for is Gloria, played by Sofia Vergara. I just love this character; she's funny and feisty, she's a great mom, and she seems to really love her old fart of a husband despite their glaring age difference. I love that she's flashy and always looks gorgeous. I love that she sticks up for herself and people that she loves. I love her accent. I love her amazing rack.

So there's my list.  Who's on yours?

And the losers are....

Good morning, campers! How are my little Northstar C.I.T.s on this fine summer morning?

I'm pretty good, just chillin' at work. I have most of this week off just 'cuz I felt like taking vaca time. My birthday is on Thursday and I don't like working on my b-day if I can help it, plus I'll do just about anything to avoid the awkward office cake party shizz. Let's face it: it's hard enough for me to pretend to like my coworkers without adding in forced-fun/obligatory sugar-binging.

Over the weekend I was thinking about how much I dislike Mel Gibson. I know we've already talked about him a few times, so after this post I promise to try not to talk about him any more! Don't want to beat a dead horse, after all. However, over the weekend more of his racist/misogynistic/bigoted rant became available for our listening (dis)pleasure thanks to Radar online, and I think that if ANYONE has earned an OOBH Crown of Poo, it's Smel.

And of course, while we're handing them out, we can't forget Miss "I am above the law!" Lohan, can we?

Farging Iceholes!

Moving on....

Last night's True Blood was tasty, as always. My crush on Alcide (played by Joe Manganiello) has officially reached EPIC PROPORTIONS. Holy mother of pearl, the things I would do to that man!

First I'd... and then I'd... and then I'd put my... in his....

Hmm, never mind. I think I'd better shut it now, not that my infatuation is any secret from my darling husband. The panting and swooning that I do whenever Alcide is on screen kind of gives me away.

Okay dokey, that'll do it for today. Hope you all have a good one!

*air kisses*

The Meat Market: who's on & who's off?

It seems that nothing is quite as cyclical as Hollywood romances. New couples pop up among celebrities like dandelions on my freshly-mowed front lawn, and when the weeds are mowed over a week later ten more couples crop up in their place.

Recently we've had some big break-ups, so I thought I'd do a handy little scorecard for those of you keeping track at home. Who is currently footloose & fancy-free and who is still tied to the ol' ball and chain? Naturally, I can't cover all of them, but there are a few biggies that come to mind first-thing. Let's go to there.

Back on the market*

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James officially ended their marriage last month. Can you blame her? The dude screwed around with every embarrassing skank under the rock sun.

Here's hoping Sandy has better luck next time!





They kept it Common Law for twenty-three years, but last summer these two enigmatic beautiful people called it quits, leaving the rest of us shlubbs to wonder if long-term monogamy is really possible at all.





Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva split up amidst swirling controversy and more allegations that he's a misogynistic (and let's not forget anti-Semitic) douchebag.





Good news for guys who like beautiful, talented, 420-friendly actresses! Charlize Theron and her boyfriend of 9 years, Stuart Townsend, broke up.






By all accounts, Jim Carrey has been clinging to his remaining shred of sanity for decades now and Jenny McCarthy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, so it shocked no one when they got together and dated for five years.

What did shock us was when they broke up last April. If those two crazy kids can't make it work, is there any hope for the rest of us? (Yes, I'm kidding)





The "seven-year itch" is alive and well, apparently. Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet had no other reason for ending their seven year union other than they "grew apart," which I think is code for, "wanted to sleep with other people."

Why would anyone give up Kate Winslet? I can't imagine.



*No, I'm not mentioning the recent Bachelor break-up because
A) I don't watch that shit
B) I don't care, and
3) They're not real celebrities, IMO.

Off the market

Sorry, fellas, Megan Fox is officially a married lady. She wed former 90210 "star" Brian Austin Green last weekend.







I must be the only person on the planet who doesn't watch Glee, but I do love Jane Lynch! I've laughed along with her screwball, straight-faced antics through all of the Christopher Guest films and quoted her lines from The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Jane recently wed her long term girlfriend Dr. Lara Embry. WTG, Jane - landing a doctah! Congratulations.




Mena Suvari, who I will always be fond of because of her role in one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, married a twenty-five year old concert producer named Simone Sestito in Italy last weekend.

If this photo is any indication, any resulting children will definitely inherit the unfortunate five-head gene. Ouch.




Han Solo and Ally McBagel tied the knot after dating for eight years (and acquiring a rather unfortunate and inexplicable old man earring).

Congrats to the happy couple! Let's hope Calista lays off the plastic surgery and tucks into some carbs now that she has snagged herself a hottie!

Recently engaged celebs (AKA not yet officially off the market)

Kellie Pickler
Carrie Underwood
Orlando Bloom
America Ferrara
Valerie Bertinelli

That's all I've got, and my fingers are sore from all this Googling (that's what she said!). Who did I miss?